Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
