i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
