found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
