Me too!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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