i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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