We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
