and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
