I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and she was petting her beer can
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
