I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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