seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
