yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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