i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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