that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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