hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
