Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
