The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
