Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
