She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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