WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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