Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
