she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
