I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
