So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
