is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
