I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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