just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
