I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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