I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
