the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
3pm strippers are depressing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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