I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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