I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Randomize
