i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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