we're blogging at a bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I came so hard my ears popped.
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