If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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