the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
