no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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