so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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