People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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