Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
