im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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