My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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