What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
