I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
