she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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