This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
