Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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