Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
