Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
