I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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