I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
