i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
